


Oh Funk Off

by beautifuldaydreams, malevolentstorm



Series: Everything's better with blackmail. [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Crack, Eggsy loves an idiot, Harry cant dance, Kinda Fluffy, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4157286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifuldaydreams/pseuds/beautifuldaydreams, https://archiveofourown.org/users/malevolentstorm/pseuds/malevolentstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy gets home early to an unexpected sight, Merlin needs to mind his own buisness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Funk Off

**Author's Note:**

> Um hi, so this is a first fic. for both of us. we can only apologize and hope you enjoy
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: neither of us own anything.

It had been a long, tiring and, to be perfectly honest, pretty crap day when Eggsy got home. He wasn’t expecting the faint sounds of pop music filtering through from the kitchen, yet he could definitely hear ‘Uptown Funk’ playing. At first Eggsy was confused - the only other person that should be here was Harry, and there was no way this was him. Harry had told him multiple times that he couldn’t stand the ‘modern trash’ that was often played on Radio One. Knowing how unlikely it was that the source of the song was Harry, Eggsy began to approach the kitchen cautiously, half expecting to be attacked at any second. However, when he reached the doorway he came to an abrupt halt, his jaw dropped in shock. 

Harry Hart was dancing. In the kitchen. To Uptown Funk. Harry Fucking Hart, dancing to pop music. Wearing boxers, a shirt and a ridiculous apron saying ‘worlds sexiest spy’.Nothing else. It took Eggsy while to simply absorb the sight let alone react to it, yet before he could open his mouth to make a snarky comment he heard a short burst of laughter that was quickly smothered.  
Shocked out of the moment Eggsy whipped his head round before remembering. He was still wearing his glasses, the ones with the camera and microphone, the ones that were probably still streaming to Merlin’s laptop.

Eggsy slowly moved to remove the glasses, so as not to attract Harry’s attention, but the movement ceased when the song changed to Hips Don’t Lie and Harry began to rotate, swaying to the song with a dancing ability that had previously remained hidden from him. It wasn’t that Eggsy wasn’t enjoying seeing Harry like this, it was just he could still hear Merlin snickering in his ear and was 200% sure that the man was recording this for blackmail material - which he didn't even need given this was not the first time one of them forgot to take their glasses off.  
There was that memorable time when Harry and Merlin had walked into Harry’s office to find Eggsy asleep with his head on the desk. That would have been fine, except that, as Harry walked towards Eggsy, he stirred and muttered "no, I'M the fairy princess" at which point both Harry and Merlin had started laughing hysterically, startling Eggsy awake. At the time he had not understood what, was so funny - having been asleep when the event had occurred.Unfortunately he could not avoid comprehension when Harry and Merlin spent the next few months referring to him as “the fairy princess”, and played the footage from their glasses of the incident at every possible opportunity. Eggsy was sure he would never be able to live it down. Ever.  
He thought that by now they would both have learnt through bitter experience to remove their glasses during their spare time or simply when rendered unnecessary but obviously not. With someone like Merlin watching at the other end it was something they clearly needed to remember and fast. Everyone knew that Merlin would easily resort to blackmail given half an opportunity - even with next to no incentive. Even if it was Harry. Especially if it was Harry. With such old friends as these two the blackmailing went both ways, any opportunity to gain new material was immediately latched onto and this was pure gold. Merlin would be smug for weeks - if not years.

It was at this point that Harry, dancing a tad too enthusiastically gave a particularly extravagant hip wiggle whilst attempting to spin on one foot and promptly lost his balance. As he stumbled into the table Eggsy lost it. Gold. This was as good as it got and it was a miracle Harry hadn’t noticed him come home - although that was probably due to the loud pop music. Also he wanted to save Harry from having to face Merlin, who, after gaining more leverage, would be unbearably smug. The man in question had currently dissolved into a fit of giggles and Eggsy would have be concerned about whether or not he was breathing, but Harry had just made eye contact with him from where he was resting against the table.  
The shade of red that he was turning was fucking spectacular. Eggsy didn’t even know Harry could blush… 

“Please tell me Merlin isn’t watching” 

“Merlin isn’t watching” 

Harry narrowed his eyes and frowned as he moved towards Eggsy. He stopped 3 feet away and just stood there. Staring.  


“Merlin may be watching. Just a little bit.”  


Harry’s blush started to return, creeping up his throat - which he suddenly cleared before shaking his head slightly, as if trying to force it all away from himself. Putting on the facade of stoic calm that he had perfected over the years.  


“Tell him to piss off”  


Merlin’s laughter increased. At this point he was laughing so hard Eggsy was surprised Harry couldn’t hear it, quietly filtering across the gap from the side of Eggsy’s glasses. Meanwhile Harry had started to cross the space and was now standing just in front of Eggsy, their chests brushing with each breath. Normally Eggsy would feel intimidated however the looming threat was somewhat ruined by Harry’s lack of trouser. In his ear Merlin’s laughter finally started to die down, small hiccuping noises filtering across the connection.

Harry reached up slowly and gently removed the glasses from Eggsy’s face before holding them up to look directly at them - doing his best to make eye contact with Merlin though the cameras.  


“Congratulations you’ve just been given a new job. It has come to my attention that some of the newest recruits can’t drive, have fun teaching them.” Harry left just enough time to hear the words ‘you fucking smug bastard prick’ before snapping the arms of the glasses closed and tossing them to the side. “Now then Eggsy, I have just about finished preparing our supper and since you’re home so early you can clean up.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is harrys apron by the way:  
> http://www.cafepress.co.uk/+worlds_sexiest_spy_apron,878427114


End file.
